I LAY MY LOVE ON YOU;

{Sunday, April 30, 2006}

please dont fake anymore, its pissing us off.
its pissing me off, its pissing everyone off.
deep down in our hearts, we know youre nice.
youre nice ouside, youre nice to individuals.
youre nice inside, and we know it.
you werent like this before, you have changed, alot.
and it is not a good thing.
deep down inside, we know as oneself, youre nice.
prove us right, dont do this to us.
i love you being extra, and thats it.
stop faking, because we know youre not like this.
i know you wont be reading this,
but may the old you come back

friday was nice and cool! :D
sports day! oh so hot hurh.
however, i was like TRAPPED in that HEAT ABSORBER uniform.
and i didnt stay till the end, had to go for swimming trng.
but when foong told me BLUE came in second, i was so happy and proud of BLUE! :D
although we didnt win, we beat yellow and got second! WE DID IT! :D:D
although we didnt win, we know deep down, WE'RE THE CHAMPS!
yes, indeed.

oh, trng was so blood tiring.
i mean, imagine, i was doing np duty, standing in senang diri position for 3 one hour shifts.
i think my legs are like BROKEN?
then i still had to go for trng and i couldnt do anything.
and i was so tired, i couldnt absorb anything the coach said. i think my brain just SHUT DOWN!
oh wells.
and i feel so guilty please. priscilla could do all the movements, but i couldnt, so coach had to change the moves, i think i pissed the coach off alot.
and i kept doing wrongly, the timing and all.
omg, i suck so much lah.
ugh.
and i really feel like giving up, i cant do anything, and im like pulling priscilla down alot.
i think she can do so much better alone lah.

then yesterday, had np, AGAIN.
omg, drills for 2 hours, and i kept sitting out, guess i really DEPROVED hurh.
AIYA, my breathing lah. when will i have my NORMAL breathing back again?
PERMANENTLY.
please, i want to have it back, and my arm too.
ugh.
we had pt first. 4 ROUNDS! :D
ran with ERICA! :D wasnt tired at first.
but then we ran one more round with ___ which cost all my tiredness and stitch.
someone ran so slow lor. it was plain BRISK WALKING please.
it wasnt in anyway, as she said, her running.
and i went breathless again. i thought i was going to die! DIEEE!
TEO said she saw me, i didnt see her until after that when i got crazy and kept jumping around, shouting TEO! TEO! TEO! :D:D
then we went to basketball court for pt.
i sit out after the shuttle run, i couldnt even breathe lah.
UGH.
and the last shuttle run, my shoe fell, out, like erica's, and it was super funny please.
we did geometry. and i think i diedededededededed. my WHOLE BODY was trembling lurh.
and i couldnt help it. so embarrasing please.
drills was so tiring, learnt a new drill, a drill that involves the half step thing! ugh.
i am never able to do all these half step things. thats why my berhenti is so wrong too.

then after np, i went to eat macs with porlin and erica. well, on the way there, got a little angry.
THEY WERE CRITISIZING BLUE HOUSE CHEER CAN. THEY SHOULD JUST GO AND DIE.
hurmph
BLUE HOUSE ROCKS SO MUCH PLEASE.
and i shouted really loud :P serve them right anyway!
met two juniors in macs, and i cant say i love them. but well, they ARE my juniors:D
well, i showed some displease though.
and i met TEO, whom i love so much.
but erica said i was OBSESSED with her. too strong a word? and so what if i do! :D
then she said i was obsessed with charlyne and foong too. like wth.
she said i was obsessed with everyone but her. oh FINE. i shall prove her right right? RIGHT
anyway, we went to change in the macs toilet, where erica met the super nice jessica.
and i bid farewell to TEO, jumping up and down, as usual :D

and we went back to school (no senior better read this)
to play or rather TRAIN BBALL!
but still i suck x( out of like 10 times i try to shoot, i got in like 0.25 times.
ugh.

then went to eat tao huey, where things got so awkward and difficult first, the CIs flowed in, then the seniors.
and me and erica were like SHITSHIT. because we shouldnt be here, instead, at home.
but we did it! braved through the WAVES?! hahaha
well, i feel kinda guilty, leaving erica behind cause my parents came already.

then went to my brother's sports meet.
which was super lame, hot and plus i was super tired + sleepy.
and it was the parents cheering! like wth.
my brother's team won his event, and its like so unfair, at such a young age, he has a TROPHEY, a BRONZE SWIMMING CERTIFICATE already.
wtf.

then we went to eat out :D
it wasnt a magnificent restaurant which will have bills all the way to $200 but a non-aircon place.
but the food was super nice. :D
the cereal prawn would have been my favourite dish if it wasnt spicy.
i mean like CEREAL PRAWN + SPICY = ???

so ya. oh and the new car!
so ah-peh please.
a black altis :D SGF :D
i love the car plate number which unfortunatly, i have not memorised yet
and its CUSHION SEAT! :D
finally

life is just too fast paced for me to catch up

[[1:23 PM;

{Thursday, April 27, 2006}

today rocked! alot :D

first, i didnt pms today! :D in fact, i was really happy today. well, except for the time before the chem test.
second, i ate macs with gets and sermin and laughed alot!
third, i went home with ERICA and we had SO MUCH FUN, and lots of laughs too! :DD

today, i got to school really tired because i didnt sleep in the bus. was trying damn hard to study with tessa's notes. when i realised it was useless, and decided to sleep, for like 9 mins? but i really fell asleep!
until yanyee waked me up! hahh.

in class, everyone was studying chem and i felt so pressurised. so i escaped with eunice to go around, (and forgot do what)
then the announcement came that LAI PECK EE didnt come.
naturally, EVERYONE REJOICED. w/o the exception of me. i didnt sign all my tests which were supposed to be and put into the file which was supposed to be handed in today. YAYee :D
once again, i escaped hell :D

the chem test was suprisingly easy, although im still scared. OH WELLS.
cheer up, eunice, THIS IS JUST THE FIRST TEST, WE WILL WORK HARD FOR THE COMING TESTS! :DD

ms nair wasnt here today either :D

i just realised today is such a slack day! neither ms nair nor LPE came today, providing us with alot of free periods.
plus, during chinese, we were watching shui hu juan at ava :D
and well, arts is supposed to be fun :D:D

bball was fun today, although i missed yuqing alot.
especially when most of the time, im on the same team as her! :D:D
i came down late today as i had to duty. and i bet ms g was the checking teacher. lucky we were doing our duty.
W/O NAUGHTY MEGAN! hahh
by the time i went down to the court, yuqing had fallen and jasmine was there.
cassandra and charmaine came down around that time too. and cassandra was ultimately shocked that someone was there. so was i. cassandra was like: WHATS SHE DOING HERE? WHATS SHE DOING HERE!! and i got very irritated with that someone too. i mean this is BBALL, not NETBALL! ai yo. then she turned so aggresive yet, she still didnt help at all. OH WELLS. cassandra was so funny when i met her in wisdom, she was like I DONT WANT TO PLAY WITH HER! hahaha.and her fashion sense?
not that cheryl dress sense is good either. hahh
partn, sining and the hockey girls were playing hockey.
i think im mad about partn. i mean i miss her alot lor. :D:D:D
i kept saying BYE JOANNE BYE JOANNE when she gave me her letter at end of school. ahha
YUQING, SPEEDY RECOVER ALRIGHTS! GOD WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU TO BLESS YOU AND HEAL YOUR WOUND! :D:D
and you were ultimately brave. although i doubt you will be reading this ;D

after school, gets and i went to wisdom to find sermin. sadly, gets forgot i was from one purity. hahh
i went to talk to erica too, and found out she had to stay back to do her maths, so i asked her to come to macs after doing to find me.
so me, gets and sermin went to eat. jiayin walked out with us :D
gets ate HER wonderful apple pie and shaker fries, which we kop-ed :D
met thalia and sheila there too and thalia KINDLY gave us her remaining fries :D:D
we "practised" macbeth, and gets said my voice was very low. so i used my SUPER LOW voice to say the first prophecy, and she laughed so much! :D
and she said i have COMMANDO VOICE. HAHAAH, whatever :D:D:D
then after that, i went mad and went back to school to wait for erica ang yi zhi who by the way took HOLY LONG! till now, i still dont know what came over me that made me go back to school to wait for ONE HOUR for erica. i think i was mad.
yes, i was. but i think the wait was kinda worth it, because we had LOADS OF FUN AND LAUGH :DD

first, we RAAAN for the DOUBLE DECKER 76 bus. which we still missed.
then we sat down and started to compare voices because gets said my voice was low. then i thought erica's voice will be lower. then we recorded us saying NERD HERD in the lowest voice we can and it turned out my voice is lower :D:D omg, the recording was so cute and funny!
it was like: (low)nerd herd (even lower) nerd herd.
omg, super cute. ahah, we kept listening it to it and burst out in laughter :D
then 269 came and we were deciding whether to take it, because i was almost VERY SURE that 268 will come after we board 269. but we still board it anyway. and after we board, 268 REALLY CAME! omg. we were so frustrated lah. hahah
then at one of the bus stops, we came down from the bus and took the 268! omg. i think we were being so comical and spastic please.
and now, we are officially NERD HERD! yesyes. erica being nerd, me being herd, althogh it doesnt make sense. we had ALOT of fun. and LAUGHED alot. and enjoyed being spastic :D, hahhs
shant go into details, too lazy to.
by the way, my parrot's voice is nice too! hahhs

tomorrow's sports day!
GO BLUEEEEE, WE ROCK A GREAT DEAL.
AND I WILL LOVE BLUE FOR ETERNITY NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.
AND I THINK BLUE ROCKS, ALOT.
GO BLUE, JIAYOU!!! :D:D:D:D:D
ya :D:D but i cant cheer together and with blue house because there is np duty.
haii, OH WELLS.
although i doubt we will win, WE KNOW THAT IN OUR HEARTS, WE ARE THE TRUE WINNERS AND ROCKERS.
i havent polish my boots yet. planning to do it tomorrow.
haha, AND FOONG WAS SO COMICAL.
i love comical foong ANYWAY.

CAUSE BLUE'S THE ONE TO BEAT YEARH!

CAUSE BLUES THE ONE TO BEAT YEARH. :D:D:D:D

[[7:56 PM;

{Wednesday, April 26, 2006}

i know i should be studying chem now. but its so hard to understand and i totally suck at it.
so i gave up halfway. OH WELLS.
today started out TIRING. slept in school bus, AGAIN. its like this few days, im so tired, i have to sleep.
then it was the dry run of the sports day. and we had to do np duty.
actually except for the uniform part, its not that bad. of course after awhile, my legs started to ache quite badly. plus, we had to be in senang diri position, cant lean on the railing.
and sorry erica for shouting at you. i didnt know what came over me. so sorry, it wasnt meant to be. SORRAYE
to think i was supposed to be a mascot! hahah.
then it was 2.4, i was so scared lah. and i didnt know WHY i was scared. PEER PRESSURE i guess. oh, and regina clipped up her fridge and look like when she was in pri 6! so cute! :D lol
it was so much more energy consuming than last year please. last year, it was like A PIECE OF CAKE?! and this year? i died halfway lah. i was getting so tired and pain everywhere.
ARGH
and i still lost to CHARLYNE! i was like so angry and dissapointed with myself. i think people like charlyne should be locked away for a long time w/o contact with sports! yesyes.
and my position drop so much! and last year my first round was like 1.19 or something, this year it was 1.30?! walau lah.
WHY AM I SO SLOW.
and i went breathless AGAIN. i think i scared grace, i was panting real hard. hahah
THANK YOU GRACE FOR TELLING ME THAT JOKE! :D:D:D:D
after 2.4, we took HEIGHT and weight, according to karchian. although she SHRUNG. muwhahah.
i grew like so pathetic. 0.5 only! hahah, it was so funny lah. first time i took, i was 155, 2nd time, 155.5, third time, 156, fourth time 156.5 :D:D and ms sito allow me to put as 156.5! at least i grew okay.
and i lost 0.1 kg:D

then homeecons. omg, i love our cake, KOHKOH :DD
it rock a great deal. and its absolutely delicious. i think that ms g was just being super biased.
and super naggy too! screaming away. OHWELLS.

nothing really happen next except that i vandalised TEO's desk, and she did it back to me.
and there was one really cute drawing with me, teo and mp :)
i think TEO rocks! (: alot

then it was the mood spoiler thing. NPCC CLEARING UP x((
super pissed dont kow why, i guess i just wanted to go home and karchian and waiteng and shiqian was talking away, taking up alot of time.
sorry if i threw a tantrum at youre. i was just being super weird.

then me and tessa ate in school because i was raining VERY HEAVILY and we couldnt eat macs. x(
i was in a bad mood, but tessa cheered me up, THANKS! :D:D
we run in the rain and became REALLY SOAKED. so wet please. and we kept laughing. i think i looked like n idiot, hugging all my things running xP
and i actually wanted to take out pinafore in mrt when i realised it was super obscene. oops.
and there were these few people that keep staring at me and tessa.
and it was so bloody irritating! I SWEAR I WOULD HAVE WENT UP TO HER AND ASK HER WHATS HER PROBLEM if she continued staring.
oh, and tessa helped me remember my lines :D:D although i was being a rather retard saying the lines, and i did the rap version too, which sounded so retarded
i bet the man wearing THE black shirt was wondering what the hell we were doing because we were laughing alot too :D:D:D
haha, THANK YOU TESSA FOR CHEERING ME UP AND HELPING ME REMEMBER MY LINES :D:D:D:D

then swimming, learn so many things lah. and the last move is so confusing.
i make the silliest mistake ever: keep turning the wrong direction! omg lah, i think i have no sense of direction at all.
oh, cant the coach transfer some of her skills to me?
its gettting very frustrating!

THANK YOU TESSA, KARCHIAN AND JANICE FOR CARING TODAY :D ALL OF YOU ROCK LOADS

[[6:11 PM;

{Sunday, April 23, 2006}

another day of trng, another day of being pissed.
what is happening to me?!
i was so pissed at everything, i keep throwing tanrtums, and i keep breaking down.
what the hell is happening to me lah.
life is so stressful and so tiring. sometimes i wonder, what do i live for.
and i have never come up with a reason yet.
is this just a phrase im going through or am i a goner? i cant seem to take this anymore, it has just become too much for me.
all the stress, the coping, the meeting of expectation, the peer pressure and everything else, its just way too much for me.
priscilla keep asking me to persevere, keep encouraging me. and i had persevered, until now.
sometimes, i just feel like giving up. and not that i want to.
i put in so much effort, so much determination, and all my parents' money to come such a long way. i know its too big a pity to give up. especially now.
but its just so hard to meet the coach and my parents' expectations nowadays.
everyday, im putting 110% of effort into everything. and yet, they dont recognise it.
today, they even accuse me of not studying infront of other parents, making me lose face.
they never realise how much it hurts me to be wrongly accused.
i mean like, youre not me, youre not the one stressed in school, with so many smart people around you when youre so stupid.
youre not the one in the water, in pain and stuggling to catch up with the other swimmers when youre so bloody slow.
youre not the one trying to impress the coach so that she will put you into the team.
youre not the one facing all the scoldings at home and stressed that you do something wrong and will get scoldings AGAIN.

you have to understand, mum and dad, that im putting alot of effort trying to meet your expectations and trying to be your dream daughter.
i know im not, but still, you have to recognise the effort im putting in and accept the fact that im just a girl trying to live through each day now.
you dont have to compare me to other more unfortunate people, telling me how fortunate i am. i do know im fortunate.
youre my parents, instead of everyday hoping that i'll be your dream daughter, why not be my dream parents?

and today, during trng, i kept cursing.
at EVERYTHING. even myself.
i was so bloody slow. i had such a short breath. and plainly, i SUCK.
i think even natalie can swim underwater longer than me please. rebecca was so much faster than me.
and there was so much competition. and i became so tired, i didnt even want to look up to my mum, like im guilty of letting her down because im so tired.
at a point of time, i just wanted to tell the coach: i can't do this, i cannot anymore, can you just let me go?
i think yong zhen felt the pressure too. she broke down halfway. its just way too much already lah.
and for yong zhen, its even worse, she has to fight with stephanie and natalie for that one place in the competition.
this is of no offence, but i really hope that yong zhen will be the one making it for the competition. i bet she put in more effort than the other two, physically AND mentally.
oh yongzhen, WORK HARD AND MAKE IT FOR THE TEAM. and remember, i'll always be there for you (:

i wish time will just stop and let me catch up with everyhing. im not ready for anything, not the competition, not school, not the tests, not npcc, not for sports day or anything else.
haii, im just so tired of living and so stressed. can this period of time just GO PAST NOW

[[9:34 PM;

{Saturday, April 22, 2006}

blog revived!
AND MANN, was it difficult.

yesterday was the worst day ever, i think. like wth. i think i diedededededed already.
first thing was like the tests.
then the effort put into all the tests.
THEN THE TIREDNESS IN ALL THE THINGS!

in the morning, was chiong-ing to study for the c.li thingy last minute because the previous night, i gave up studying. too tired, i guess.
and the close passage, it was so bloody funny.
i didnt know what to choose, so i proceeded to the classic way of deciding: eniminiminimo. sure it was retarded, but its better than looking so many unknown words blankly right?
then huitung, spotting me do that retarded action, decided to follow along and eniminiminimo-ed along. oh man, you should have seen!
but i think i did HORRIBLE for this test.
this term's ppr is going to be hell. i barely passed 70% last term and i bet this term is going to drop again. argh.
why am i so stupid?

okay, then came afternoon.
the NPCC test.
i was grouped with v.hew, geraldine, and janice.
although later on, we didnt really do anything as a group.

theory had so many UNEXPECTED questions!
and i cheated so much i feel guilty. but hey, i dont want to go through ALL THAT again.
it was HELL!
and for the theory, i gave total crap. i have totally no hope in my theory now. hope my practical pull me up. HOPE.
the worst of the theory paper was the labelling of the lamp, so funny please.
i labelled: bulb, the ledge for opening and closing, glass cassing and many other blah shit.
oh wells.

and first aid! omg, laughed bloody much please.
and we had a totally nice tester that laughed along with us (:
JESSICA.
i was A, so i had to do first. the recovery position, the 8-figure bandage, and one question on how to treat sprain.
the recovery positon was the funniest please. i did it the wrong side.
and jessica was laughing at me please!
luckily, i spotted my mistake and turned janice around xP
and the question, i had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how the hell do i trest a sprain.
and shannen knew. I BET SHE STUDIED ALOT PLEASE.

then it was knots and lashings.
i thought i did okay.
but enid and sohteng kept pointing and it got me worried, oh wells.

THEN THE HORROR.
tent pitching and backwoodsman.
i was so bloody pissed at everything please.

for tent-pitching, i did it w janice, v.hew, geraldine, foong and erica.
we had no co-ordination of whatsoever and i became so pissed.
i was thinking i could pass tent-pitching, but now?
HELL WITH IT.
and the poles were like shit please.
the rod sticking out was too short, and ALOT of problems surfaced.
and i became so frustrated, i felt so much wanted to cry.
but well, i didnt. i was brave!
hahah
and SOMEONE was so slow lah!
she was pegging finish HALF A PEG when another of us, i think either erica or geraldine finish pegging THREE pegs.
imagine her speed?
argh
and the outer sheet, havent even pull, they tied already!
as ive said, we have NO co-ordination! argh.
the tent was so flimsy i think it would have fell on us if we had it for jtc or if the wind blew.
like wth.
it was even worse than the practise one please.

and backwoodsman, i did it with janice and foong.
i admit them were very nice and all.
but all the same, i was pissed. i think i was pms-ing.
ARGH.
too much stress.
i was digging and digging, and it had so many rocks, stone, roots and even bricks! it was so frustrating and everytime i hear the chancol (sp?) hit something, my heart drop.
and i was getting so aggresive.
jessica said there were grass and mud flying all around and my back had alot.
and the testers had to stay FARFAR away from me.
hahah, i was DANGEROUS! (:
and then i got hurt.
and janice went SHIT! and i went: THE BRICK! to cover up.
but jessica still saw the wound.
and i had my finger wrapped in .. gauze? hahah.
and the detol was PAINFUL.
and i dont know what went over me. i becamed VERY PISSED at janice for "giving me away"
sure i was pissed. but i knew i went too far.
SORRY JANICE! x(

then came the evaluation of the test.
joanna said until like we did HORRIBLY for the test.
and i started crying please. so embarrasing.
luckily, no one noticed.
it was so sad for me. i didnt want to go through all that again!
but i think i'll have to. haii, what can one do?

and after that, i dao-ed everyone.
SORRY TO ANYONE I IRRITATED OR DAO-ED OR SCOLDED.
it just wasnt a good day for me
and people, you should just avoid me for the time being.
i get pissed damnit easy nowadays.

and me and josephina was so funny!
we kept saying to each other and vented all our frustrations.
josephina, i know youre very pissed with someone but do get over it (: shes not worth it! :D

and after that, i had swimming trng. omg, SO TIRING.
and there was this point of time, i couldnt take it anymore and i just sat down on the floor to cry. i was so tired and frustrated!
i guess i just couldnt take it anymore
but in the end, i picked myself up and went into the water for water trng.
learnt a new trick which is so difficult and energy consuming.
and after trng, i left my swimsuit in the toilet, again
i was so bloody pissed w myself and i kept cursing myself.
luckily, when we went back, it was still there.
im telling you, if i had lost it, i think i'll have pulled out my head with all the entrails and boil it.
okay, maybe i wont.
coach says i need to stretch, but i still havent. i think i'll do it tomorrow?
hope so! (:

today went out for high tea, the food wasnt marvelous, but it nice all the same.
and i went mad at the restaurant, element. hahah, i think i went too high

and i have another dream of mine, to open a shop of DESERT EMPIRE!
marvolous eh. and it'll DEFINATELY have durian puff there ((:

oh, and i want to thank FOONG.
thanks for encouraging me when im digging, and thanks for telling me youre proud of me on friday. it means ALOT to me.
fooooong, im proud of you too. and i love you alot! :D

[[9:34 PM;